Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
