we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
