Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
