Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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