I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
