No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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