Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize