His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
