I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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