i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize