Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize