theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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