just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
