Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i think we sleep fucked last night...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
