It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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