I hate all girls vehemently.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
