3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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