yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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