weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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