if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
