I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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