He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
