I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
