Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
