My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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