my phone needs a breathalizer
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
