38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
