so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
