He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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