Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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