I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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