it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
