Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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