sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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