Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
