Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
