The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
