You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Houston, we have a squirter
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dicks are not precious.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
