it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
