he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
