I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
