Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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