She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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