At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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