i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Dear god my vagina.
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