make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
