my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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