so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize