I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
