Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
