Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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