i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
