omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
