Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
