I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
