I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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