White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
