Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
