i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
