We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
