My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
