I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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