There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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