so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize