drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize