It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
