My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
