I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize