the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
