i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
