She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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